The required specifications for this internship are:
Job Scope:
1. Solicit and service accounts
2. Promote event sales
3. Manage on-site and events
Specific projects/learning outcomes:
1. Ability to handle client in a tactful manner
2. Ability to response efficiently during unexpected turnout of questions during events.
Preferred Year of Study:
Year 2
Specific knowledge / skills required:
Visual Basic; Excel Macro
Application Letter:
My Name
14 Seventy-Eighth Avenue
New York, NY 54787
September 4, 2009
Elaine Chan
HR Manager
Peranakan Place Complex Pte Ltd
180 Orchard Road
Singapore 238846
Dear Ms Chan,
Internship - Sales and Events Executive
I am extremely interested in the Sales and Events Executive Internship as advertised on the NUS Career portal. I have a passion for event-planning and customer relations and I believe that Peranakan Place Complex will benefit from my contributions in these areas.
As indicated in my online resume, I am in my second year at NUS at present, pursuing a Double Major in Applied Mathematics and Management. Having frequently sought out marketing roles and opportunities, I am also experienced in marketing campaigns. I have been planning and organising several successful large-scale events, such as a welcome tea, as a committee member in Campus Crusade. I feel that these experiences have served to refine my event-planning skills as well as my management abilities. Moreover, having experienced it directly, I am acquainted with the pressure one faces when promoting an organization and managing events.
My double major has provided me with a thorough foundation in principles that affect businesses every day. Managing the tough rigor of the double major, as well as being actively involved in two co-curricular activities and volunteer work has made me into someone with a determined and resilient character. Furthermore, I am an enthusiastic and disciplined individual who embraces challenges, as evident from my heavy workload and multiple responsibilities in various fields. It is for these reasons that I believe that I am well suited to working in the fast-paced and intensive food and entertainment industry.
According to the job requirements, you need someone proficient in Visual Basic and Excel macros. Hence, I have taken the initiative to complete a course in Visual Basic, as I believe in the value of developing oneself to one’s full potential. This belief is evident in that I have recently completed a course in Microsoft Excel in order to improve my IT skills. As indicated in the resume, I am also proficient in Microsoft Word and PowerPoint and Adobe Photoshop. I am sure that such technical skills might prove useful for your company.
Being actively involved as a Toastmaster has trained me tremendously in being eloquent and confident when speaking to working adults, besides honing my communication and leadership skills. I feel that this is advantageous in that I would be able to effectively develop strong customer relationships for your company. Additionally, I am taking a university module on professional communication, through which my interpersonal communication skills have been improved. Therefore, I believe that I would be better able to handle clients tactfully without any avoidable miscommunication, a capability which is part of the job description.
I would deeply appreciate it if we could meet for an interview at your personal convenience. Please contact me via a phone call or an email according to your preference; my mobile number and email address are stated in the online resume.
I appreciate your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Ms. Abigail Yong
Enclosure: Online Resume
Hey Abby!
ReplyDeleteIn the 2nd last paragraph, you might want to phrase your last sentence in this way "You could contact me via handphone or email indicated in the online resume." It sounds more grammatically correct i think.
Also, in the 2nd paragraph, you might want to link the pressure you face while organising events to the requirement "Ability to response efficiently during unexpected turnout of questions during events". =) (E.g You are able to cope with the pressure faced and respond efficiently...etc.)
Other than that, the language you use is polite and persuasive! I would definitely want you as my intern if I were the reader =) You also carefully structure your paragraphs according to the requirements. Good job!
Hello Abigail,
ReplyDeleteI felt you did a great job on the application resume. You have addressed all the points that the company has put forth in the job advertisment and indicated enthusiasm for the job right from the start. It is a politely structured letter which encompasses the 7Cs and it made reading the letter quite a pleasure.
My only suggestion would be on this particular point, "Managing the tough rigor of the double major" I suppose rigor implies severity and harshness already so the adjective may not be necessary. You could possibly write," Managing the rigors of a double major, ..."
In all, i believe this is a very well written application letter. If i were the HR manager i would certainly be compelled to contact you for an interview.
Thank you and rgds,
Aldrich
Hi Abby,
ReplyDeleteFor the 2nd Paragraph, i find the first sentence slightly wordy. i suggest "I am currently a second year student at NUS pursuing a Double Major in Applied Mathematics and Management."
It would be good if you are able to give evidence on how "large-scale" to make it sound more convincing. Perhaps you could also give a brief account of what you have done or how you solve a particular problem during these events to demonstrate the ability to manage on-site events effectively.
For the 3rd paragraph, i personally feel that you can make do without the 1st sentence. I felt that it is not necessary as it has been touched on and explained in the 2nd sentence. You can also elaborate on how being involved in so many activities has made you a determined and resilient character. I like that last sentence of the paragraph. It serve as a good link between your attributes to the job.
In the last sentence of the paragraph, i feel that "might" is contradicting to your opening "I am sure.." I am struggling to give an alternative though.
Lastly, handle clients in a tactful manner is stated as a learning outcome so i am not sure if you should include it as your ability.
The overall letter is nicely crafted. It is coherent and clear. It is easy to read too.
Regards,
Chee Siang
Hi Abby,
ReplyDeleteYour application is well written. I feel that the flow is rather smooth as you organized the various points systematically. As a reader, i find that the letter is clear and easy to read.
I am unsure of this line that you wrote, " i have taken the initiative to complete a course on visual basics... etc.." It is not very clear whether you have already finished learning or you took the initiative to take part in the course. During the short time between finding the job and writing the letter, it seems impossible to have completed a course. Maybe you can say something like you have started on the course and will be completing it before the internship starts.
Hi Abby! First and foremost, your letter gives me a rather professional feeling, and it doesn’t bore me and deter me from reading on. The organization of the application is well-planned; the paragraphs are not too long. Especially in the fourth paragraph, you have expanded on the job requirement to show how eligible you are, and to me, that is a plus point as compared to other applicants. You have touched on the job requirements well and I would say that this application is bound to be a great success!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have a few suggestions that may help you further improve the chances of getting an interview with this application letter:
-In the second paragraph, you might want to briefly elaborate on what does the Campus Crusade does, to highlight the importance of the organization of the welcome tea.
-For the fifth paragraph, touch a bit on the job scope of the Toastmaster such that you are able to get the opportunity to speak to working adults.
-For the closing paragraph, maybe a little more extension of courtesy might be good? I’m not sure about this but perhaps a ‘Thank you for your time taken’ may show that you really appreciate their effort.
These are just some suggestions but overall, I feel that this letter is motivating enough for the prospective employer to hire you on the spot! Good job!
Regards,
Ivan
Hello Abby! Great letter you have there. Its definitely reader-friendly as it is clear and well-organized.
ReplyDeleteIn the 2nd paragraph, I feel that you could have elaborated on more "large-scale events" that you had been involved in. You mentioned the welcome tea for NUS Campus Crusade but it could have been more effective and "impactful" if you had highlighted on the number of participants for the event and that it is an annual event etc.
For the third paragraph, I find that you could have replaced the word "made" in the sentence "made me into someone with a..." Personally I feel that "made" seems a little out of place but maybe its really just me.
I like it that you brought up the point about you being involved in the Toastmasters but I find that the first sentence of the fifth paragraph feels a little fragmented.
And yup, I agree with Ivan for his comment about the closing paragraph. You missed out a thank you (:
Cheers,
Yuan Ru
Hey bloggers,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting comments on my application letter. The suggestions given were great and so very useful in helping to shape my 3rd draft. I tried to consider all your advice when drafting out the 'new' letter so I'm sorry if I missed out any points.
Hope that your third draft is coming along great!
Thanks,
Abigail